Bone Dressing by Michelle Brooks
Bone Dressng was one of the worst books I’ve tried to read in a long time. It’s basically narrated by the most annoying teen in the world, Sydney Roberdeau. In real life, I’m pretty sure Syd would be be an up-talker.
Now, I didn’t finish this book. I got roughly half way through it and realized it was a waste of my time and brainpower, both of which are pretty damn important to me.
But the plot, what little of the plot I could decipher, went something like this: Syd is an orphan. She has two foster parents who are, like, so strict and make her follow all these, like rules. Syd does not like this and makes trouble both in and out of school. She butts heads with what appears to be a sadistic/pedophile who also happens to be her history professor. She burns his classroom down. Syd visits the cemetary where her parents are “parked” and runs into a totally super hot guy, his angelic little sister, and a black panther. She finds out that she has some bad karma and needs to get that shit fixed, and fast. Syd, after confessing her love to this, like, so totally hot hunk, says fuck off, I can take care of my own karma. She then runs into said hot guy at school, where she again confesses her love…this is where I stopped reading. I think you can see why.
As if the plot wasn’t bad enough, the writing completely killed this book for me. It feels like Brooks had a million different descriptions and metaphors she’s been saving up since high school, and has used them all in the first chapter…and every chapter after that. It’s a constant stream of one bad description after another. Mixed metaphors, cliche similes, and annoying commentary filled my Kindle screen until I just couldn’t stand it. Here’s a taste, in case you doubt me. The first paragraph goes something like this:
“The cool breeze made the hair rise on my arms, but did nothing to ease the rage boiling inside me. Instead, the seething fury within my belly redoubled its efforts to surpass the roaring flames rising from the building across the street. It was such a strange feeling, fire and ice. I felt like someone had split me into two completely separate pieces – like I was one of those raging California wildfires all locked up tight inside one massive mountain of ice.”
If that wasn’t painful enough, try this on for size:
Humanity! That’s good! I burn down a building and the first thing that comes to mind is my own humanity! I mean, honestly, how could I possibly be sitting on the roof of some stranger’s house, in the middle of the night no less, chaos and destruction laid out in front of me, caused by me, and feel…comforted, righteous even? granted, Mr. Askew was a complete asshole! it really did serve him right – the jerk! But, how exactly did I end up here? how had things gotten this far out of hand? It was like I was the villain in a dramatic production someone was staging, only this was real, too real. i didn’t mean for this to happen. Of course, I never meant for things like this to happen. But they always did. Maybe some part of me way down deep inside wanted them to. God, I hope not!”
Okay, I think I’ve pained you enough.
Bone Dressing by Michelle Brooks is only $.99 for the Amazon Kindle – and that’s all it’s worth.